Dear Juanita:

Good to read that the cream works well for your cat! And it’s good to read that you protected and took care of the baby birds who lost their homes on the roof of your building, you are a good person!

I was so pleased to read just now how you connected the situation with the birds to that with your cat, recognized the guilt part of your acute stress, talked to yourself, stating the truth to yourself, that you are doing your best and that your best is good enough (“do your best, it is good enough”), and it worked. Keep doing what works. But be prepared that what works will not work every time, or will not work as well at other times. Keep at it regardless, overall, over time, it will work.

I just read about your husband’s latest lie, regarding a disinfectant having been sprayed from the air down to his village. When you confronted him, he “flatly denied it, was offended, the victim, ‘was only trying to help'”. Good thing you “didn’t say any more, just went home”.

“this kind of behaviour is what used to make me feel really ill living with him. I so often had the feeling that he was lying, yet it was about such ridiculous things it felt confusing due to the lack of logic. He’d never admit to it.. It often made me doubt myself.. I must be having hallucinations.. I wonder what you think about his behaviour? My conclusion is that he says such things to get a power trip.. to avoid his village.. to keep myself and the cat indoors when I get home.. to control me.. I get so much tension from interactions with my husband.. emotional fog which will inevitably arise when I see him”-

My thoughts and answer to your question: it’s a no-brainer that you need to not have this man in your life in any way, shape or form. His behavior is crazy-making, it is an offense to sanity and mental health. It is as if he decided at one point on that his purpose is to offend your mental health, to cloud your thinking, to confuse you, so that you doubt yourself. Well, it is possible that he thought this, cold heartedly.

More likely, he came up with this strategy without much awareness. Here is how he could have come up with this strategy without much awareness (this is a possibility only): let’s say that when he was a child, his mother was very judgmental, very severe. When he did something she didn’t like, something that wasn’t wrong to do, but she didn’t like it for whatever reason, she screamed at him, maybe even beat him up. He had no  way to make her stop picking on him because .. he couldn’t predict what she will not like next. So he started to lie to her, about anything and everything, on a regular basis, so to confuse her, to throw her off guard, so that she will not be clear enough to be able to focus on him.

Fast forward, he does the same thing with you, a repetition of what he did before. By now, it’s his habit.

Good to read that you found acupressure, deep breathing and guided meditations online helpful. You wrote that you expect the emotional fog to arise when you see him again. First, I hope you don’t see him. If there is a way for you to not see him, don’t. But if you do, keep the meeting as short as possible and focus on the business purpose of the meeting. Don’t talk with him about anything personal.

Think of it this way: when you see his mouth moving, assume that he is lying. Don’t consider if any part of what he says is a lie or not (it’s too much work and it is impossible to do). Assume it is all lies. Better meet him only for business, practical matters, and preferably in a business setting.

Regarding your second post (it’s not a lot to read, it’s okay with me): you were to have a meeting with an acquaintance regarding a plants/ garden center/ agriculture business idea, a meeting you probably already had by the time you read this. She has land, machinery and contacts and you have more practical knowledge and talents than she does. You set up a relationship horoscope, and it shows that one of you is more advanced in some way than the other, suggesting then an unequal relationship, and you are anxious about getting into another unequal relationship, be it business or personal. In addition to the inequality factor, the astrological evaluation suggests that there might be a deception factor, and you worry that it means that you will encounter deception, if not on her part, then on the part of clients, a lawyer or an accountant.

“I am very interested to know what you think of all this and what comes to your attention?”- I don’t know much about astrology. Of what I do know about it, I don’t see a scientific truth to it. So I will address your concerns only, concerns that arrived at your awareness while you were engaged with the astrological exercise:

1. Regarding inequality in knowledge, skills, talents, land, machinery and contacts when it comes to forming a business, it doesn’t read to me as a disadvantage at all, but a logical foundation for a business partnership, a reason for the two  of you to cooperate and to have a Win-Win business relationship.

2. Regarding deception in the business context- because neither you nor her have money to invest in a business and therefore you will need a third person to invest, it will be that third person’s responsibility to see to it that his or her money will not be misused, and your job will be to use the investor’s money responsibly and with complete transparency according to the rules and regulations to using the money and resources (material resources such as her land and machinery and immaterial resources such as your skills and talents), rules and regulations agreed upon by all parties to the business, set up in a business lawyer’s office.

anita