Hi anita,

Yes!!! This is certainly a major concern.I have a very analytical mind and I try to figure out every problem in this way. The problem is, I am dealing with human beings and not computers! Sometimes there is no way of sorting out eveyr single kink and event. Sh*t happens, there’s not always an explanation. But 9 times out of 10, it’s not really anyone’s fault, it just is.

It was true that what helped was getting attention from guys (not just for my looks but for my personality too) which seemed to prove I was totally date-able.

As a bit of context, and this is now many years in the past but I once knew a man who I thought was interested in me, and I was interested him so I told him so. But he soon met a woman I viewed as my better, more extroverted, confident, attractive. Seeing her take his interest was, for me (at the time), proof that I was not enough, or that men wanted more. Truth was, I wanted men who were more than he could be, do you see what I mean?

I think my self confidence is such that I often really internalize what people say to me. There are things from many years ago that still come to mind occasionally and sometimes they still rattle me. Once I was called “aloof” by an older man (mid 50s, I was a teenager) who worked at the place I worked and whose attention I perceived at the time as creepy. My strategy was to try and keep conversations short, as a way of protecting myself I guess (we were working alone in a secluded area). Even though I didn’t exactly like him, his estimation about my character stuck with me. Aloofness has, often, a negative connotation. I figured he meant snobby or rude, but really I was just a nervous 14 year old. So when guys at school didn’t seem to notice me either… or get pushed away by my shy and reserved nature… I figured I was the problem.

LW