Hi Sammy,

I did not receive a notification and have only just read your message. Do not be so critical, but be aware enough to know where it could lead if you do not keep things under control. In heartbreak, there is no universal method of overcoming it, each individual reacts differently. I remember at the time  I read an article about limerance, how for some letting go and moving on is so difficult that it isn’t just heartbreak but more pathological and should be classed as a mental disorder. This was enough to shake me up and want to put forth the effort to grow because I could tell I was desperately clinging on, trying to think of ways to rectify it or make something work which when looking at objectively and removing the emotions, it was not the right fit for me. I was scared I was going to become obsessive after reading that article, so I got more therapy. For me, it helped rectify the issues which were causing me to think in those ways. This was by working on my own self worth mainly, not looking for validation from my ex and developing coping mechanisms.

For you, you seem like you have a smart head on your shoulders and you may just have loved him dearly to the point those emotions blinded you to the truths. When we have good self-worth, are strong and courageous even if we love the person, in the end, we still walk away for ourselves, we acknowledge even with the extra effort our needs are not met and we deserve to have a healthy balanced relationship but when we are lacking this within us it is when we can’t let go. After my ex had selfishly accomplished her dreams or goals she found like most the grass was not greener and ended up after 2 years trying to get back together. I had done the work on myself and realised my needs and worth. In the end, I was the real winner, I had opened my heart to love, it had hurt me but I had grown so much and learned not to repeat those mistakes.

Just try to write a list to see if you can distinguish which it is. When looking at the cons if it isn’t reassuring you that you are better off and deserve more, then maybe you need to see a therapist, see if deeper issues are causing you to desperately want to retrieve?

How long has it been? You may just be rushing and not allowing time to heal too. Although my best friend thinks the whole ordeal of heartbreak ends the moment you want it to, the control is within us. Just have to say enough is enough and power forward through any stumbling blocks. He is right, I reached a stage I was tired of feeling crap, low and sad about someone who I knew was off living her best life without any care in the world for the trail of destruction she had left behind. I got tired of feeling sorry for myself, but for some of us, it takes guidance and support to rebuild that confidence but I took the steps without looking back.

My new partner is amazing, I do value her as she deserves now, I’m lucky to have someone who was willing to work with me to grow. She often also says she is lucky to have me although sometimes those thoughts of why creep in, I’m running with it, and day by day I feel happier because I see she genuinely is just as happy and shows her appreciation. It will happen for you too, it’s actually a good thing you have chosen to work on yourself first before jumping into something new to try and fill a void. That would be a step backward as for a short while it will be fun but once again you’ll hit those same unresolved issues and you could end up sabotaging a potentially good relationship with someone new (like me)

We try to hold on to hope, and that holds us back. Don’t hold back anymore and move on. You deserve more. You deserve the best. Believe that. We all deserve someone who feels lucky to have us as their partner. Nothing less than that.

Tim