Hey Marnia,

I think it’s fine to make relationships one of the main focal point of your life. But as you’ve realized, when you put all of your energy into one relationship, you will eventually get lost and lose yourself. Why does this happen? Because you were trying to do the impossible, merging two whole to create one. One plus one does not make one, but a lot of people are taught that they are halves, or even zero, therefore they need something outside of themselves to become whole. Do you feel that way yourself?

If you do, you’ll have to look at the programming you were equipped with, starting from your childhood to your adult life. What was the messages presented to you and which messages have you ingrained in your mind, thinking that it was true. After, you fear that no one else will love like he did, but what exactly is love for you? A body that you can come home to at the end of the day? Why not get a dog then? Or is it something you give therefore they should give you in return? That’s just entitlement or a give and take. Someone to validate you as a person? Someone to make you feel as if you matter? But for how long will that feeling last until you need your next high? How many times will a person have to tell you “I love you” until you feel satisfied? Or will you ever feel satisfied? When is it enough?

On the other hand, though you give focus and energy on your relationship with your boyfriend, where is the energy for your relationship with yourself? You might think you feel incomplete without being in a relationship with other people, but what about the relationship with yourself? A relationship with yourself is also a relationship, so why did you not put in any effort with yourself?

Relationships are important to you, but you’re neglecting an important relationship by ignoring yourself and focusing on others. As it is far too easy to project your desires onto people, ask yourself why you can’t fulfill those desires by your own effort with your own self, first and foremost, than relied other others to fulfill those desires for you.

GL