@Lucie,

PTSD is an asshole of a disease, if you’ve followed this thread for a while you’ll know that I called it a ‘life sentence’. It really is a completely life altering experience.

Obviously, I don’t know your story, your trauma, how long you have been suffering etc and that’s okay, but what I do know is that from personal experience I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.

When I first got PTSD I was in complete denial. I was at the lowest of the low, no longer ashamed to admit that I was very much suicidal for many months. In fact, even though at the time I knew things were awful, it’s only now I look back and notice that my dear friend sacrificed her job and her actual life to actually keep me alive at the time. I was a very lost person, and that’s the best way I can describe it. I literally had no idea who I was anymore. I didn’t recognise myself, my behaviour, my outbursts, why I did the things I did. And in some sense, I’m still lost. I’m still trying to figure it all out, I’m still trying to learn and grow.

BUT, yes there is a but! I am not where I was then, and that in itself is a blessing! And I remember, being the person on the receiving end having had enough, without an inch of belief that it will ever get better, reading all these people advise that it WILL get better and I didn’t believe it. I thought maybe I just didn’t have it in me to get better. But, it does get better.

What once kept me sleepless for weeks on end, now haunts me once every few weeks. The triggers, reminders, actual physical pain, it’s a lot less intense. You really learn about what works and doesn’t work for you.

It is a journey. And one hell of a spiral one at that. There is a lot of pain before there is any form of release, I won’t say happiness as I still haven’t felt this for many years. You have to learn to face your worst nightmares before they no longer hold over your life. Putting boundaries in place. In doing so, you eventually learn to live day by day with this ‘altered life’.