Dear miyoid:

You are welcome. I understand you not wanting to be like your father, feeling sorry for himself, seeing himself as the victim when he is not, “dramatizing and exaggerating” his alleged misfortunes. It is a good thing that you don’t want to be like him. But don’t try to go too far and be the opposite of him, which would be denying your own misfortunes, ignoring and minimizing your own feelings.

The Middle Way would be best: honest, deserving empathy for yourself (no drama, no exaggerations).

Regarding your live in boyfriend situation- reads to me that it is a bad situation for the two of you. You are depressed and hopeless more than ever (your original  post), and he is clearly very unhappy, so what is the point of this live-in situation if the two of you are miserable in it.

You wrote in your recent post: “he is afraid to harm me, upset me.. he feels even worse because of it”- if he does not live with you anymore, he will no  longer be afraid to harm and upset you, and he will feel better.

This live-in situation is not helping him or you. You are afraid that he will get worse (“I’m afraid of what he is capable of”)- but what if living with you is making him worse?

I imagine that sometimes two depressed individuals come together and make each other feel better, but this doesn’t seem to be the case: here two depressed individuals came together and both feel worse for it.

Am I wrong?

anita