Dear MonaD:

There is a lot of material in your recent posts. I will make three comments for now (there are more that can be made):

1. About empathy- your empathy is focused and directed at your mother: “My mother was the person who.. pulled us through.. despite the pressure of emotional struggles she faced.. I understand that from her side, my mother went through unimaginable trauma.. I can’t begin to think of the emotional and mental struggles she would have had to go through”.

Your sister’s empathy is focused and directed at your mother: “She attacks me (about) angering my mother as it might seem to her that I am putting my mother through more trauma”.

Your mother’s empathy is not focused and not directed at you: “I have on several occasions tried to have a discussion with her on how her handling of the situation damages my mental state, however these discussions have always ended with her…  referring to me as ‘too sensitive and simply inexperienced with the hardships of life”

2. about cruelty- Your mother is still a cruel woman: “I felt (she) blamed me for the situation. She sometimes still does… her hardened, hurt spirit still comes out in her sharp, unkind words. Usually directed towards me.. her hard, cruel side can come out”.

3. About value, credit and short selling- your mother suggested to you that in the context of the romantic relationship you had, and otherwise, you are a person of value who deserves credit and who shouldn’t sell herself short (“she mentioned that I was the kind of person who had more value than I gave myself credit for and sell myself short, especially in a relationship”)-

– while all along she has taken away your sense of value, she has given you no credit, and she has been selling you short: “her sharp, unkind words.. directed towards me.. whenever I make a mistake, exhibit a flaw.. referring to me as ‘too sensitive and simply inexperienced with the hardships of life”.

One of the credits she is not giving you is your very significant lifetime experience with the hardship inherent in the experience of being her daughter.

anita