Dear Nita:

Mothers are often very powerful in their children’s lives, way into adult ages. Often mothers keep their power over their adult children by guilt tripping them, telling them how hard they worked, how much they sacrificed, and the message to the adult-child is: you owe me! – and this happens in all kinds of ethnic groups and cultures, arranged marriages- or not.

I don’t know the history of your relationship with your (now ex) boyfriend, his long history with his parents, and your shorter history with his parents. If I knew, I’d have something more specific to tell you than the generality in my first paragraph here.

Advice: he told you that he wants you to make no contact with him, not on the telephone, not online, not in-person, so don’t make any contact with him. If you had a child with him, or community property or legal matters that need to be settled, then contact through an attorney would be appropriate, but with no such matters- have no contact with him.

If you want to share with me your history with his parents, and what you know about his history with his parents, his relationship with them before meeting you and after, please do, but only if you want to, only if you think it may help shed some light on what happened, or why it happened.

anita