Dear Lily:

“About wishing him by my side.. I guess you would suggest to keep him away from my side, right?”- It is a very good idea to  keep him away from your side, but that’s now what I had in mind when I wrote that to you in the last part of my recent post to you. What I had in mind was to suggest that … you get a turtle to have by your side (still entertained!)

“I always looked for mistakes inside myself. My extreme self doubts caused me to not see clearly!”- well stated. Your extreme self doubts and core belief that you are guilty, caused you to look inward into yourself and to not see outwardly, specifically in this case, to not see that you’ve  been trying to converse with a turtle.

You have to look inward and outward. “That is why when I meet someone new, I will take my time to now them”- look outward, at the man you are facing: what does he value? What motivates him? Does he look inward, is he open to make needed changes within himself, is he honest with me, etc.

“But it would likely be a waste of time as there would not be a real conversation between us.. And I think I have seen enough of him now… he is what he is. And I am who I am.. So maybe I should move on for good and maybe change my number”- yes, good idea, to change your number. Lily, I’ve been here since the beginning of K being in your life. I wish you could trust me when I state: you have nothing to feel guilty about in regard to him. The things you feel guilty about, not being open with him- if you have been very open with him, he wouldn’t have noticed.

Like I wrote, look  inward, but also look  outward. Both are required for your continuous mental health improvement and for a future healthy intimate relationship.

anita