It is tough, Jacobus, when our love is not returned by our spouse. Anita asks you some questions and I have to say, answering them will give you more clarity. How do you make this woman change? You can’t. She is punishing you. I am going to suggest you stop texting and emailing or calling all this much, every day. Give it a rest. Take your time to rest your mind. Figure out whether you will live and work where you are now, or live and work and be on your own in Canada. She is using the abuse called the silent treatment. This is abuse to not talk to someone. She has probably had control over you for the entire 4 years. You rebelled by going to Indonesia and then she started the silent treatment abuse to get you back under her control. By now, you should have some kind of legal right to live in Canada, correct? You have to decide whether or not staying married is worth all this stress and anger and someone controlling you. She is not going to change. The only one you can change is you. I am saying hard things to you. I am sorry your wife is so abusive, it sounds like she has been manipulative and controlling from the beginning. Living with someone like this is often very difficult and full of distress. You give in and loose your self value and “manhood” or you argue and fight with her to give back some control. There is no easy in this relationship for you unfortunately.