@Lula

Love/emotions can blind us in many ways, that is why it is important to have a sounding board when emotions override logic. A confidant, best friend, or neutral advice from a stranger on forums such as this can sometimes give us the tough hard truths which are needed to save ourselves and rectify our own behavior.  If you had reached out sooner some of the pain could have been avoided. 4 years is an insane amount of time doll to suffer in silence, never lose your sense of self for anyone. Your self-esteem must be very low, surround yourself with positive people and start afresh, be by yourself, and love yourself. This will mean when you attempt a new relationship in the future you will be healed, emotionally available and not looking for someone to validate you after the impact of this situation.

It is your right to express how you were made to feel, however, also realise you allowed it to happen for so long. He may have used you but you allowed it. Learn and strengthen your self-belief that you will never let someone treat you that way again.

This is not a friendship worth saving because he would have respected your boundaries if he cared but his actions proved otherwise, hold your head up that you never caused any harm to anyone else, you are a good person. Work on your self-worth, never let another man child drain you like this. I know men, and selfish men will always take if you allow them to.

If he ever cared about you he will accept, reflect, and grow into a better person too. Until then do not accept anything less, if he is manipulative he will try and gaslight you and blame it all on you. Tread carefully and always protect yourself.

Tim