@Maya

That was a difficult read – paragraphs may help in future haha

From what I have gathered, you initiated a break up because your needs were not being met but you now regret your decision and are experiencing heartbreak? Well, it doesn’t seem like anything acrimonious has happened. It is a case of two broken people coming together and trying to fix one another instead of each individual fixing oneself first. I think if you respect his wishes for space and go and work on your issues and vice versa there is a chance you can both reconcile and build a stronger foundation for a relationship to flourish. Relationships do not work on love alone it takes a lot of effort and that is impossible if you are coming to the table with undealt baggage or issues.

Heartbreak itself is the worse pain imaginable, unlocatable so you find it harder to fix or nurture oneself as you would with a broken limb or open visible wound. I’ve been there, so this is going to sound tough but your behavior indicates attachment issues, and a need to get a grasp on your anxiety. I have been there, if you do not develop sufficient coping mechanisms and discover where these thoughts are arising from you will just continue to behave in a self-sabotaging manner, irrationally and based on your fears which leads to toxicity in relationships. So if you love this man, and want it to work the best thing to do right now is step away and work on your issues, it is no longer about him. Until you can learn to be self-sufficient, love yourself, more in control of your emotions I suggest you steer clear of relationships because if you continue as you are you will do more damage to yourself in the long run.

This is also your first relationship so I sympathise, when you have never experienced emotions like this it can be overwhelming to learn to label your emotions and sit with them rather than being so reactionary. Develop your emotional intelligence, this helps to be more tactful and self-aware. You are getting therapy so you clearly are someone who wants to grow. So do just that focus on your growth and everything else will fall into place. Dwelling on things outside of your control will just hinder your development. Someone putting themselves first is not a reflection on you, it is just self-love in this scenario. He comes across as a man who wants to be fully emotionally available to a person he is in a relationship with rather than someone selfish that only cares about his own needs. Allow him the space to do that.

Top tip from a man; pestering a man when he wants space will just make him lose attraction and do you no favours.

Good luck doll.

Tim