Dear Noor:

I am always wishing you well too. As far as online dating, I am glad you asked, because I am an expert, so I says!

First, before you date anyone from the dating website, interview him. Interview any and all men who communicate with you and who you consider as a possible boyfriend.

Interview first, date later. Don’t get locked into a dating relationship before you adequately interview the man. This means that you meet men in a casual, public setting, such as in a coffee house, for coffee/ tea and an interview. The interview of course, will not be as official, cold and dry as a job interview may be. It is an interview of a different kind: a friendly, honest get together for the purpose of gathering information about him each other, information needed for the purpose of evaluating compatibility.

It needs to be not about passion and instant attraction, but about compatibility first. Any physical/ emotional attraction needs to be part of the information you gather, and not a primary motivation for materialized a dating relationship before valuation is adequate- this is key.

“Should you exchange numbers or start texting and calling on your cell number before you meet?”- no, unless the man is terrible at written communication, and can’t express himself in writing, and if you don’t mind a man with a written communication challenge.

“I know some people keep calling and texting for a good few weeks before meeting in person, is that a good idea?”- no, because not much thinking goes into ongoing texting. A written communication online, as what we are doing here, allows the time and space needed in the process of evaluating compatibility.

“what would be a good amount of time before giving that title of being in a relationship?”- the amount of time needed to evaluate compatibility with a  man. If the communication with a man has been superficial, if you didn’t learn about who he is (and not because he is challenged in written communication), then it is not time to meet, let alone date. Evaluate compatibility in person following the first step, which is evaluating compatibility online.

“Should you also plan dates with the person twice in one week or give it at least a week’s gap to ensure you are taking things slowly”- if during the first meeting in a week you learned about  him and you want to learn more, because what you already learned is not a deal-breaker, then arrange for another meeting/ friendly interview.

Interviewing men means that you can meet one man on Monday, another man on Wednesday. Remember, you meet them in a casual public place during the day, Saturday or Sunday, or during the week. There is no physical intimacy during the meeting, no kissing. Therefore it is okay to meet a few men in one week, or in two weeks.Take your time, let any and every man you meet through the website know that you want to get to know him, and that you want him to get to know you before getting into a romantic dating situation, for the purpose of possible dating and a long term/ lifetime relationship.

Does this  make sense to you?

anita