August 13, 2020 at 1:44 am #364660
Thank you for your response, once again, truly appreciate it! I feel better about my decision.
Yes, certainly. It was a little hard at first but I am happy that I did 🙂
I hope you have a good day ahead of you!August 13, 2020 at 6:09 am #364670
You are welcome, Noor, thank you and have a good day yourself!
anitaAugust 26, 2020 at 11:46 am #365609
How are you? I am always wishing you well!
Prior to starting online dating and seeing some of my friends do it, I do have some questions and I was hoping I could get some input from you:
When starting online dating are there any general rules…that would be good to keep in mind. For example, should you exchange numbers or start texting and calling on your cell number before you meet? I know some people keep calling and texting for a good few weeks before meeting in person, is that a good idea? I am living where we can meet people being socially distanced or with a mask since lockdown restrictions have eased.
Also, what is considered taking it slow when you meet someone from the app? Since both of you are looking for a relationship based on the profiles, but what would be a good amount of time before giving that title of being in a relationship? I have a friend that met someone online and after two weeks and four dates and texting non-stop, they are now officially a couple which I find is VERY soon but I know it is different for everyone. Should you also plan dates with the person twice in one week or give it at least a week’s gap to ensure you are taking things slowly.
I may be overthinking this but because it would be my first time I would love to get some perspective on these things.
NoorAugust 26, 2020 at 1:01 pm #365618
I am always wishing you well too. As far as online dating, I am glad you asked, because I am an expert, so I says!
First, before you date anyone from the dating website, interview him. Interview any and all men who communicate with you and who you consider as a possible boyfriend.
Interview first, date later. Don’t get locked into a dating relationship before you adequately interview the man. This means that you meet men in a casual, public setting, such as in a coffee house, for coffee/ tea and an interview. The interview of course, will not be as official, cold and dry as a job interview may be. It is an interview of a different kind: a friendly, honest get together for the purpose of gathering information about him each other, information needed for the purpose of evaluating compatibility.
It needs to be not about passion and instant attraction, but about compatibility first. Any physical/ emotional attraction needs to be part of the information you gather, and not a primary motivation for materialized a dating relationship before valuation is adequate- this is key.
“Should you exchange numbers or start texting and calling on your cell number before you meet?”- no, unless the man is terrible at written communication, and can’t express himself in writing, and if you don’t mind a man with a written communication challenge.
“I know some people keep calling and texting for a good few weeks before meeting in person, is that a good idea?”- no, because not much thinking goes into ongoing texting. A written communication online, as what we are doing here, allows the time and space needed in the process of evaluating compatibility.
“what would be a good amount of time before giving that title of being in a relationship?”- the amount of time needed to evaluate compatibility with a man. If the communication with a man has been superficial, if you didn’t learn about who he is (and not because he is challenged in written communication), then it is not time to meet, let alone date. Evaluate compatibility in person following the first step, which is evaluating compatibility online.
“Should you also plan dates with the person twice in one week or give it at least a week’s gap to ensure you are taking things slowly”- if during the first meeting in a week you learned about him and you want to learn more, because what you already learned is not a deal-breaker, then arrange for another meeting/ friendly interview.
Interviewing men means that you can meet one man on Monday, another man on Wednesday. Remember, you meet them in a casual public place during the day, Saturday or Sunday, or during the week. There is no physical intimacy during the meeting, no kissing. Therefore it is okay to meet a few men in one week, or in two weeks.Take your time, let any and every man you meet through the website know that you want to get to know him, and that you want him to get to know you before getting into a romantic dating situation, for the purpose of possible dating and a long term/ lifetime relationship.
Does this make sense to you?
anitaAugust 28, 2020 at 1:38 am #365728
Thank you so much for your advice, I truly value and appreciate your insights!
It is reassuring to hear the suggestions you have provided. I like the emphasis on initially treating the meetings as interviews before committing to dating and considering a lifetime relationship with anyone. I feel less anxious about trying this online dating process now and I will continuously read your input to ensure I am still on track. I definitely feel for me physical intimacy will not be with anyone until I have considered that person as someone I can have a lifetime relationship with so certainly not during the casual public place meetings.
Sending you good wishes as always!
NoorAugust 28, 2020 at 8:52 am #365743
You are very welcome. I am glad you like my advice and I am here for more, as you go about the interview process. Good wishes back to you!
anitaApril 26, 2021 at 12:38 am #378744
How are you? It has certainly been a while since I last wrote. I still check Tiny Buddha occasionally and see your wonderful efforts in replying to so many people. It is uplifting, especially during what is now one year of this pandemic. And I hope things on your side of the world are slowly getting better.
My life has been nothing but a whirlwind to say the least but in the best way possible. So much has changed for me since I last wrote. I got my first job after I graduated amidst a pandemic, for which I am truly thankful. I moved out of my family home and closer to the city. And I am in a loving and healthy relationship with a person that has the kindest heart. I cannot believe how much time has changed. If you asked me last year at this time what my life would be like then I would never have predicted I would feel the happiness I feel today. Even though lockdown restrictions are still in place, I have never felt more liberated.
I truly want to thank you because you have been a support for me during all of this. I was really at my lowest point when I found comfort in this forum. And most importantly, comfort in your advice. I am so happy I decided to try online dating because I never imagined to meet such a wonderful person. Of course, it did take time as I went through the process of meeting new people and like you had mentioned, taking time to also discover myself through the whole experience. And it was all worth it. I have been in this relationship for a couple of months now, and it has been a beautiful journey by far. I am so excited to see what this new phase of life has in store for me.
Wishing you and your loved ones good health!
Looking forward to your reply.
NoorApril 26, 2021 at 1:03 pm #378776
I wanted to reply to you after I took the time to re-read enough of our communication of summer 2020, that’s why I did not reply earlier. I am delighted to be reading back from you!!!
Congratulations for all your accomplishments since last summer: graduating amidst the pandemic, getting your first job following graduation, moving out of your family home and closer to the city, and being in a loving and healthy relationship. I know that I shared with you about my experience with online dating, giving you advice on the matter, and I am thrilled that you may have used some of my experience and advice for your benefit!
I don’t see a reason to repeat any other part of our previous communication at this point, but if you want to bring up at any time anything we talked about before, or anything we didn’t yet talk about- please do.
As to your appreciation of me and gratitude to me- you are very welcome. You were always kind and gracious with me, and you still are. For that- I appreciate you and am grateful to you!
anitaApril 30, 2021 at 11:37 pm #379003
Thank you so much. I appreciate your kind wishes!!
I so happy to hear back from you and even happier to hear that you are doing well. Staying safe and healthy.
Ah thank you! Honestly I am still learning to navigate through all these new changes and I certainly have my down days but overall I am in a better place than I have been before. And yes, your advice as well as experience with online dating was indeed very insightful as well as inspiring–so thank you.
But I want to make sure despite all of this I still make time for myself, to ensure my self-growth is constant. This can sometimes be a challenge for me as I can easily forget about my feelings. I also need to focus more on being present. So I am now making it a priority to mediate and do some yoga!
With that being said, I look forward to speaking with you again soon, Anita. Do take good care of yourself! 🙂
NoorMay 1, 2021 at 11:08 am #379030
You are very welcome and thank you for all your kind words and wishes. It definitely reads to me that you are on the right path in life, emotionally and practically.
“I am still learning… I certainly have my down days.. I want to .. still make time for myself, to ensure my self-growth is constant”-
– if posting here is you taking time for yourself, if it helps you feel better during down days, and/ or it helps ensure your self-growth, please do post and I will be glad to read from you and reply anytime you post.