Dear Anita

Ah okay, I understand! I agree I don’t think it’s a normal sexual exploration experience, and that’s part of why I feel so guilty.

The instances that I felt like that…I think the first would have to be that my mom and grandparents used to have a lot of arguments and animosity towards eachother when I was young (8-11?). I was close to my grandma and so sometimes my mom would act suspicious of me “telling her things” or make me feel bad.

Another instance is when at 13-14 I told my mom I was struggling with intrusive thoughts and she kind of didn’t take her seriously and blamed it on my “online friends” (I didn’t have many friends at that time and mainly chatted with other kids online).

And a big one is when I was 15 and came out to my parents, and their reaction was very bad. A few days later I “took it back” so I didn’t have to deal with how they were treating me.

All of these made me feel very out of control and frustrated.

Elise