Hello C,

I have been through this situation a few times – a lot of people find it difficult to let go.  You have taken the healthy route in making peace with the past and moving on to a new relationship.  You have, however, thrown up two issues that relate to you. Trust and anxiety.  Why do you need to feel anxious about your boyfriend’s past relationship.  You don’t mention children and the absence of little ones makes it much easier to just walk away.  Physically, your boyfriend sounds as if he has done that but he still carries a mental/emotional bond.  It is pointless regretting the past when there is nothing anyone can do to change it.  There is nothing to fix.  Break-ups hurt.  The problem here is that he needs to heal his emotional wounds.  I calculate that he has had a good two years to do this.  Replaying the scene will only keep the wounds open.  He behaved how he behaved.  She behaved how she behaved.  People interact and no one person should take the blame for the ending of a relationship.

Obviously, I do not know how he behaved, but if he really regrets it, then he won’t be repeating that behaviour with you.

I hope you can work through this and get him to focus on the relationship he has with you NOW and not dwell on the past.

Best Wishes

Peggy