Anita,

I agree that she likely doesn’t know he cheated on me with her, that he left me for her, or that I really even exist or that he continues to talk to me.

I guess I want to believe there is truth to what he says when he says he loves and misses me. He has even gone as far as to say he doesn’t want to be with her and “she’s just not me,” but as I mentioned above, he claims to be happy with her.  He tries to come to my home which he knows is wrong. Every time he says something inappropriate to me I remind him that this girl would not be okay with the things he’s saying and he says he doesn’t care. I’m just so confused. He’s working so hard to keep me and it’s just destroying me.

To touch on Peter’s point. Throughout our relationship he has accepted accountability for certain mistakes and apologized but always lacked action. He would say he would change but wouldn’t. I guess the part of my ex that I’m holding onto is that he was there through the toughest time in my life and he made a lot of mistakes, but I’ve never been with anyone I’ve loved so deeply and has made me smile or laugh as much as him despite the bad stuff. I guess I thought the good always outweighed the bad. I always figured that things happen in relationships and the things that happen can make you stronger, but only if you work together. I guess I have to accept that he didn’t do his part, didn’t take accountability, didn’t live up to his promises, and has created the situation we are in now. He’s only been with this girl for a few weeks and already wants to cheat on her. I guess what I’m realizing by writing this is he has so much work to do inside to change and better himself. I just don’t know how to get out from this hold he has on me.