Hello again Anita. I would love to just thank you for this insightful response, I really appreciate it! I think you are pretty spot on here.  I guess I’ll just go over everything you brought up here. I suppose I do believe the core of who I am is my endless love and caring, for my parents, and that because I love them so much I don’t want them to see me unhappy or have them worrying about me. I always felt they had so many other things to worry about, like finances and my brother who is older than me but throughout our childhood he definitely was a bigger handful. In fact I would like to think I was just about the easiest kid ever to have, I don’t know I just really have never liked to people to have to worry about me too much. As far as “having no bad days” and having decided no marriage is good I’m not sure that part is so true. I recognize that healthy relationships do exist and it is very possible, I just am not sure I can see myself ever being into it. I do have my own bad days for no reason at all sometimes, I just don’t care to think of it as a bad day because I have trained myself to have this ridiculously positive outlook on life, I know my circumstances are never that bad and I have a lot to be grateful for, I could have a ~romantic~ relationship, I just need it to be completely on my own terms and I don’t want to have to ask anyone to change for me, or adjust to my many little quirks. I am complicated and selfish and I know it, for that reason I would way rather be single. It’s also for that reason I believe I’m pretty generous, I just really don’t want my preferences to inconvenience anyone else. I thought my current relationship was going to work out for me and be on my terms, but the further in I get the less positive I feel about it. So when I say I am an open book, I  do feel this is kind of true still. I am very willing to share my feelings, thoughts, and experiences of all kinds with anyone, it’s just easier to do so if someone asks me things? I have a really hard time with communication as a whole, speech isn’t something I’m very good at. It’s a work in progress but my lack of confidence in the past was the problem for sure. I know because of the way I act as if nothing is wrong for me, that my boyfriend thinks there really isn’t anything/ we’ll be together forever, however I don’t know how to act as if anything IS wrong because the problem is completely mine! In the beginning just a couple of months ago I only had good feelings about this whole thing. I stopped feeling like myself and I only came to the conclusion that I want to be single again. I lived a fabulous single life full of positivity and self growth, and I realize now I just wasn’t done there yet.  I do want this to be a learning experience for both of us but I’m not sure he will see it that way. We were distant friends and ex coworkers for about four years before dating, I would be hurt if he ended up really hating me for deciding that this isn’t for me. I am more so actually in fear of the immediate response he will have, and just dealing with that. I am terrified of the confrontation, I so badly wish he could see it and come to me asking if I really want a future with him. I would love to write a letter to him.. maybe with the intent of actually giving ti to him? I would love any help you are willing to give Anita, thank you!