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Dee

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  • #366890
    Dee
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    Hello again Anita. I would love to just thank you for this insightful response, I really appreciate it! I think you are pretty spot on here.  I guess I’ll just go over everything you brought up here. I suppose I do believe the core of who I am is my endless love and caring, for my parents, and that because I love them so much I don’t want them to see me unhappy or have them worrying about me. I always felt they had so many other things to worry about, like finances and my brother who is older than me but throughout our childhood he definitely was a bigger handful. In fact I would like to think I was just about the easiest kid ever to have, I don’t know I just really have never liked to people to have to worry about me too much. As far as “having no bad days” and having decided no marriage is good I’m not sure that part is so true. I recognize that healthy relationships do exist and it is very possible, I just am not sure I can see myself ever being into it. I do have my own bad days for no reason at all sometimes, I just don’t care to think of it as a bad day because I have trained myself to have this ridiculously positive outlook on life, I know my circumstances are never that bad and I have a lot to be grateful for, I could have a ~romantic~ relationship, I just need it to be completely on my own terms and I don’t want to have to ask anyone to change for me, or adjust to my many little quirks. I am complicated and selfish and I know it, for that reason I would way rather be single. It’s also for that reason I believe I’m pretty generous, I just really don’t want my preferences to inconvenience anyone else. I thought my current relationship was going to work out for me and be on my terms, but the further in I get the less positive I feel about it. So when I say I am an open book, I  do feel this is kind of true still. I am very willing to share my feelings, thoughts, and experiences of all kinds with anyone, it’s just easier to do so if someone asks me things? I have a really hard time with communication as a whole, speech isn’t something I’m very good at. It’s a work in progress but my lack of confidence in the past was the problem for sure. I know because of the way I act as if nothing is wrong for me, that my boyfriend thinks there really isn’t anything/ we’ll be together forever, however I don’t know how to act as if anything IS wrong because the problem is completely mine! In the beginning just a couple of months ago I only had good feelings about this whole thing. I stopped feeling like myself and I only came to the conclusion that I want to be single again. I lived a fabulous single life full of positivity and self growth, and I realize now I just wasn’t done there yet.  I do want this to be a learning experience for both of us but I’m not sure he will see it that way. We were distant friends and ex coworkers for about four years before dating, I would be hurt if he ended up really hating me for deciding that this isn’t for me. I am more so actually in fear of the immediate response he will have, and just dealing with that. I am terrified of the confrontation, I so badly wish he could see it and come to me asking if I really want a future with him. I would love to write a letter to him.. maybe with the intent of actually giving ti to him? I would love any help you are willing to give Anita, thank you!

    #366834
    Dee
    Participant

    Hi Anita! I’m an open book and don’t think I’ve got anything to lose here so I will definitely share a bit of my past. I’ve felt the way I feel about relationships now and have for a very long time, since I was a child, because of my parents. I absolutely love them both and have a good relationship with them personally but their relationship was not what I would ever want for myself and I felt for basically the entirety of my life that no relationship or marriage I saw was ideal. So i’ve seen it best to stay single since i was younger. My parents divorced when I was 10. My dad was always out with friends throughout the week and weekend. He would come home late, after we’d all be asleep. My dad has now been with his current partner on and off for 12 years, well really it’s been longer than that. I find out more things as the years pass but even just this year I found out my father had been seeing his girlfriend since 2003! I was 5. My parents didn’t separate until I was 10. My mind was blown when I found that out because honestly he was probably being sneaky from the start of their marriage. Yeah so I don’t trust easily and have major commitment issues. I resent my father because I just don’t know why he would do that considering my mother is an amazing woman. However, after asking my dad for a divorce she started cheating on him before they actually did part ways. Their divorce was a mess and definitely impacted me. But still, I love them both endlessly and wouldn’t trade them for the world.

    #363676
    Dee
    Participant

    Hi Felix,

    it sounds like due to the quarantine, and due to not knowing too many people personally who may be potential girlfriends, you might want to try a dating app. that way you can still meet new people, outside of your friends and who they know, and you can get to know them a little bit extra before meeting in person. This way you can also ask what girls height might be or ask what their preference is to ensure that you will be compatible and there will be no uncomfortableness due to that. Good luck Felix!

    #363017
    Dee
    Participant

    I’m glad! Contrary to popular belief, tinder is a good start i would say. I know everyone says “it’s just for hookups” but there are actually guys on there that want to just talk, be friends, take it slow, have a relationship, etc. Bumble is another decent popular one! It’s very important to make your intentions clear, but a lot of guys will ask you just about from the start what you’re looking for on there. You will come across those just looking to have sex or get you to send nudes and what not, and if you’re not down for it then just shake em off and try talking to someone else! Just don’t sweat anything out Grace, you’re young and will have plenty of time to experience and try things especially since you’re starting college. I’m sure with COVID-19 that will change a lot for now but in time i’m sure you will meet a ton of people and new friends that will shed a light for you also. I’m 22 and have been on tinder on and off since i was 16, and just recently deleted it again due to a new relationship lol. If you have any questions in regards to dating/ talking to guys I am here, and have tested the waters enough by now to be able to share some experiences and knowledge 🙂

    #362923
    Dee
    Participant

    Hi Grace!

    I’m not the best at giving advice, however what you’re struggling with is something i have also struggled with in the past. I was a virgin, never kissed or interacted with any guys really until i was 20. I was also very happy and content being single however you may find positive male attention can be fun, and of course these things are bound to happen at some point! With this being said i want to tell you something that I personally think is helpful and will hopefully make you feel more relaxed : awkward moments are essential, and you don’t have to feel awkward about them. Just go with the flow, communicate well, and don’t stress yourself out about it. I think the fact that you’ve already been able to turn down/ choose not to entertain the “weird” or “creepy” ones is great, you have your standards! If using dating apps isn’t something you already have tried i would start there. You don’t have to go on dates or meet anyone necessarily, but i think it’s a solid way to get comfortable communicating with men, although the in-person part is a whole lot different. Make sure you set boundaries and consent is in place when you do start testing the waters. I feel there may be more I could throw in here but i hope this could be a somewhat helpful start for you!

Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 (of 5 total)