Forum Replies Created
January 11, 2021 at 3:23 pm #372641
As others have said, I am no expert at all but would love to give my own input. I am sure you are more than just “cute” or “ok”, and if that’s all your boyfriend thinks still after 2 years then you ought to kick him to the curb. That’s great that he honestly told you about his attraction towards you, or lack thereof, but it’s true that you deserve to be made out to feel like you’re a beautiful , desirable person by whoever you are in a relationship with. I have been in his shoes, I have been unattracted to my partner before and although I appreciated them and had strong emotional feelings for them I knew the relationship wasn’t sustainable. I can only imagine being in your shoes, feeling anything less than gorgeous in the eyes of my partner. I suggest that you do not settle for a relationship with someone who might feel like they’re setting with you. Do not further risk being with someone who could be unfaithful to you. Sounds like you are a really good person and you honestly deserve the best. Hope you take it into heavy consideration!
DDecember 2, 2020 at 11:12 am #370358
Thank you for the support you offered. I did finally end up breaking up with my boyfriend in a kind, respectful, short and sweet message. The heavy weight has lifted from my chest and I feel much better. I could have gone about it a little bit better still because I had unintentionally made a decision to not talk to him for about 2 days prior to that message. I feel as though I truly hurt and damaged his heart. I don’t feel as bad as I think I should about it though to be honest. I feel really good now, like I grew an awful lot just from that situation. I know I am needing some quality therapy to overcome the issues of confrontation I face and learn how to improve my overall communication and interpersonal relationships, I will be working on that here in the near future. Ending things for good opened my eyes quite a bit. I don’t think I am totally meant to be single, I realize I do enjoy having a partner, but I will need to set boundaries, improve my communication and really be head over heels for whatever boy I decide to take a chance on. I appreciate you so much Anita, your advice and support was much needed for me. Hope you’re doing well and if I come back to you with more relationship troubles in the future please don’t be mad :’)November 24, 2020 at 3:48 pm #369854
Thank you for the well thought out reply. I greatly appreciate hearing what you think. Unfortunately I have yet to do what needs to be done. There isn’t a third party who is able to break the news to him, as we have no mutual friends and I would have to find someone to explain this situation to. I do not trust any of my friends to relay the message in a gentle, kind, and tasteful-ish manner ( although honestly I think the only way for it to be any of those things is if I did it myself in person) so I think I am going to go the route of gradually bringing it up in a conversation about how I feel like I just don’t appreciate him enough and don’t think I ever will so this must come to an end. I’ve come up with so many different ways to go about this Anita, I just struggle so badly taking the initial confrontational step. I have wanted to seek therapy for the last year or two but am not sure how to work it all out. I want to be my best self and I myself am the only thing holding me back.November 10, 2020 at 4:54 pm #368946
After reading both your post and Kylee’s reply, I couldn’t think of anything much better to say! I would truthfully just do whatever will give you peace of mind, however as long as your life together is doing fine and the extra funds aren’t causing any harm then there shouldn’t be much of an issue. I work at a bank myself and have seen a plethora of couples who have a joint account and also have their own separate accounts. In some instances the spouse knows about the account, in other instances they don’t. It’s very common and honestly recommended (like generally in life not by the bank lol) to have separate accounts. I can only imagine how disheartened and maybe betrayed and suspicious you might feel but I would advise you not to sweat it too much unless there is an actual, current problem in your marriage.October 7, 2020 at 10:55 am #367645
I highly recommend resetting your priorities. You said you are 21 and graduated from uni.. The picture you posted does not seem nearly as immature as your reaction to the post. You shouldn’t care how other people perceive you on social media (so long as you’re not being violent, offensive, inappropriate) and anyone who you are connected with, or anyone involved in the photo shouldn’t even think about judging you since they who you really are.September 17, 2020 at 2:22 pm #366890
Hello again Anita. I would love to just thank you for this insightful response, I really appreciate it! I think you are pretty spot on here. I guess I’ll just go over everything you brought up here. I suppose I do believe the core of who I am is my endless love and caring, for my parents, and that because I love them so much I don’t want them to see me unhappy or have them worrying about me. I always felt they had so many other things to worry about, like finances and my brother who is older than me but throughout our childhood he definitely was a bigger handful. In fact I would like to think I was just about the easiest kid ever to have, I don’t know I just really have never liked to people to have to worry about me too much. As far as “having no bad days” and having decided no marriage is good I’m not sure that part is so true. I recognize that healthy relationships do exist and it is very possible, I just am not sure I can see myself ever being into it. I do have my own bad days for no reason at all sometimes, I just don’t care to think of it as a bad day because I have trained myself to have this ridiculously positive outlook on life, I know my circumstances are never that bad and I have a lot to be grateful for, I could have a ~romantic~ relationship, I just need it to be completely on my own terms and I don’t want to have to ask anyone to change for me, or adjust to my many little quirks. I am complicated and selfish and I know it, for that reason I would way rather be single. It’s also for that reason I believe I’m pretty generous, I just really don’t want my preferences to inconvenience anyone else. I thought my current relationship was going to work out for me and be on my terms, but the further in I get the less positive I feel about it. So when I say I am an open book, I do feel this is kind of true still. I am very willing to share my feelings, thoughts, and experiences of all kinds with anyone, it’s just easier to do so if someone asks me things? I have a really hard time with communication as a whole, speech isn’t something I’m very good at. It’s a work in progress but my lack of confidence in the past was the problem for sure. I know because of the way I act as if nothing is wrong for me, that my boyfriend thinks there really isn’t anything/ we’ll be together forever, however I don’t know how to act as if anything IS wrong because the problem is completely mine! In the beginning just a couple of months ago I only had good feelings about this whole thing. I stopped feeling like myself and I only came to the conclusion that I want to be single again. I lived a fabulous single life full of positivity and self growth, and I realize now I just wasn’t done there yet. I do want this to be a learning experience for both of us but I’m not sure he will see it that way. We were distant friends and ex coworkers for about four years before dating, I would be hurt if he ended up really hating me for deciding that this isn’t for me. I am more so actually in fear of the immediate response he will have, and just dealing with that. I am terrified of the confrontation, I so badly wish he could see it and come to me asking if I really want a future with him. I would love to write a letter to him.. maybe with the intent of actually giving ti to him? I would love any help you are willing to give Anita, thank you!September 16, 2020 at 5:04 pm #366834
Hi Anita! I’m an open book and don’t think I’ve got anything to lose here so I will definitely share a bit of my past. I’ve felt the way I feel about relationships now and have for a very long time, since I was a child, because of my parents. I absolutely love them both and have a good relationship with them personally but their relationship was not what I would ever want for myself and I felt for basically the entirety of my life that no relationship or marriage I saw was ideal. So i’ve seen it best to stay single since i was younger. My parents divorced when I was 10. My dad was always out with friends throughout the week and weekend. He would come home late, after we’d all be asleep. My dad has now been with his current partner on and off for 12 years, well really it’s been longer than that. I find out more things as the years pass but even just this year I found out my father had been seeing his girlfriend since 2003! I was 5. My parents didn’t separate until I was 10. My mind was blown when I found that out because honestly he was probably being sneaky from the start of their marriage. Yeah so I don’t trust easily and have major commitment issues. I resent my father because I just don’t know why he would do that considering my mother is an amazing woman. However, after asking my dad for a divorce she started cheating on him before they actually did part ways. Their divorce was a mess and definitely impacted me. But still, I love them both endlessly and wouldn’t trade them for the world.August 3, 2020 at 3:56 pm #363676
it sounds like due to the quarantine, and due to not knowing too many people personally who may be potential girlfriends, you might want to try a dating app. that way you can still meet new people, outside of your friends and who they know, and you can get to know them a little bit extra before meeting in person. This way you can also ask what girls height might be or ask what their preference is to ensure that you will be compatible and there will be no uncomfortableness due to that. Good luck Felix!July 28, 2020 at 1:21 pm #363017
I’m glad! Contrary to popular belief, tinder is a good start i would say. I know everyone says “it’s just for hookups” but there are actually guys on there that want to just talk, be friends, take it slow, have a relationship, etc. Bumble is another decent popular one! It’s very important to make your intentions clear, but a lot of guys will ask you just about from the start what you’re looking for on there. You will come across those just looking to have sex or get you to send nudes and what not, and if you’re not down for it then just shake em off and try talking to someone else! Just don’t sweat anything out Grace, you’re young and will have plenty of time to experience and try things especially since you’re starting college. I’m sure with COVID-19 that will change a lot for now but in time i’m sure you will meet a ton of people and new friends that will shed a light for you also. I’m 22 and have been on tinder on and off since i was 16, and just recently deleted it again due to a new relationship lol. If you have any questions in regards to dating/ talking to guys I am here, and have tested the waters enough by now to be able to share some experiences and knowledge 🙂July 28, 2020 at 6:45 am #362923
I’m not the best at giving advice, however what you’re struggling with is something i have also struggled with in the past. I was a virgin, never kissed or interacted with any guys really until i was 20. I was also very happy and content being single however you may find positive male attention can be fun, and of course these things are bound to happen at some point! With this being said i want to tell you something that I personally think is helpful and will hopefully make you feel more relaxed : awkward moments are essential, and you don’t have to feel awkward about them. Just go with the flow, communicate well, and don’t stress yourself out about it. I think the fact that you’ve already been able to turn down/ choose not to entertain the “weird” or “creepy” ones is great, you have your standards! If using dating apps isn’t something you already have tried i would start there. You don’t have to go on dates or meet anyone necessarily, but i think it’s a solid way to get comfortable communicating with men, although the in-person part is a whole lot different. Make sure you set boundaries and consent is in place when you do start testing the waters. I feel there may be more I could throw in here but i hope this could be a somewhat helpful start for you!