Dear Lisa:

“Why would I not trust myself to say no if she turned up  on my doorstep?”- please make sure you don’t open the door to her if she turns up on your doorstep- for your sake and your son’s sake. He must have been terrified to witness her aggression.

You shared a story of love and passion turned toxic. Reads like she’s been passionate all along, only her passion was re-directed from love to hate. Reads like she brought love and hate into your life, and you are now left with both: “I still love her.. and I hate that I do!”

It is interesting that your joint friends sided with her over the assault and you ringing the police. I assume they are aware of her heavy drug use, unpredictability and aggression. Maybe they share her behaviors and think that anyone who calls the police is a bad person (?)

“so why can’t I see how bad things were?”- because of the love that was there before. It will take time to see things as they were: good at first with a heavy dose of bad that made the good a distant memory of what was before, in the first year.

Please post again anytime, “to let some things out”.

anita