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Dear Anita,
I see what you are saying.
I think my guilt is coming from my fear to lose a close friend. I was often alone in my youth and never made any strong connections. When I met my friend, it was the first time I was instantly able to make a connection and create a strong friendship. I can’t imagine that all that is now going to waste. I know I often do take the blame on myself because of this fear I have of trying to keep people close.
I am also feeling alone again because my friend and another one of my best friends are doing things together more often. I feel like I am being purposely being left out and every time I ask to see one of them, they both tell me other things. Only later do I find out that they were making plans without me. I am confused and hurt by their actions but I am trying not to let things get to me and keep optimistic about being friends again but these actions are just hurting me now. I also don’t know if I’m being paranoid and if I should simply not take things personally. All of this feels very childish but it’s incredibly painful as well.
Love,
Anja