Again, thank you for your insights and your warmth. Also, for sharing about your own path of healing, it’s inspiring.

Yes you are right, I need to work on my awareness of my emotions. And also, have the courage to start listening and responding accordingly. I find that I want to escape taking 100% responsibillity, and I wonder what stops me. I have this voice in my head “How dare you make any decision like that, who do you think you are?”. I guess I have internalised a voice that thinks I am too emotional and sensitive. I express this is a sing and song writer, and I have never got asked to play in front of my partner, he mostly only shared negative things about my passion for music. I am looking for validation outside myself.

And not being important is very true. I guess by me taking 100% responsibillity I would show myself that I do matter and that I am important. Perhaps that’s the first step of actually healing. I am worthy of being treated with respect and that I am worthy of love.

I can see the word confused a lot. I think I was riddeld by confusion for much part of this relationship. I also, take responsibillity over myself being confused too. I am left sometimes confused in our interactions. I guess when I finally went to see the therapist I realised that I can not live in a relationship were I feel confused. I have a loving relation with friends and family which do not leave me feeling confused. As a part of me looks up to my partner, I am hypervigilant in everything he says. Yesterday he told me that I am a complex being and didn’t give me an explanation to what he meant. I think we have a different way of dealing with thinks but sometimes I get the impression that he thinks that his way of dealing with things is the right way.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts about the relationship and your loving support.

I have a feeling that when I hear thos words, that I want to defend the relation and say that it’s not bad. I still have this need to soothe and support him. To protect him from the pain.

Yes of course, it’s a buddhist communion were everyone practise Buddhist psychology. There’s no disabillitites or drugs use here. Hope that makes sense.

Thank you <3