Dear Anita,

• Yes, he is the same person. We hardly ever argued, and when we did, it was because he said I nagged to the point I would keep it bottled in just, because I did not want to argue or him get the idea I was not grateful. Although, that day that I got drunk on Thanksgiving, I said ” he could finally find himself a nice black girl”, I  didn’t mean it to sound so cruel and those words sounded so hurtful, specially via text message. I just felt he was embarrassed of me since the previous women he dated were brought around his family, were African American. I have never acted out like that towards someone I care about, but that day I felt used and humiliated. Yes, he would take me out to eat here and there, but I had to ask even beg.  He would say I was bipolar after I would state my opinion. For example, I would ask was going on or that if I never called him he would not make the effort then he would go on to say that I “nothing was ever good enough or he was not s***, or he would say I was bipolar or I was extra”. Was it bad for stating your feelings? But yes you are correct, that is how I am feeling and I am trying to forgive myself for expressing myself since I wouldn’t allow myself stand up for myself. I only wanted to be loved and appreciated that I was forcing something to work that I knew deep down that relationship had no future. Yet, I cannot stop thinking that it is my fault and I deserved it. Is this normal? Was it all my fault? Am I this cruel human being?