Dear lil.lily:

1. “I have high expectations for myself”- do you believe that if you achieve enough (educational degrees, career accomplishments, etc.), then you will be worthy of the love you need so desperately, and you will finally receive it?

2. “I also tend to see the goodness in people. So, when I feel betrayed, then my anger lashes out”- is it that you quickly see the good in people/place a friend/ man on a pedestal as a very good person because you need to believe that he is capable giving you the love you need so desperately-

-And then, when he disappoints you, betraying your expectations, betraying the high position you put him on (falling off that pedestal), you get very angry with him?

“I understand my inner-child years for more.. How do I heal this pain?”- quality psychotherapy.

“How.. did you manage to get (BPD) out?.. What are your strategies? What are your coping mechanisms?”- my healing process started with my first experience of quality psychotherapy in 2011 (2011-2013). My therapist at the time diagnosed me with BPD and put together a treatment plan for me, giving me a printout of his plan, including goals, strategies and expectations. Over time he adjusted the plan. After each session, he emailed me a homework assignment to prepare before the next session. His approach was scientific and professional. He attended to me not only within sessions, but in between sessions, seeing that there is an ongoing process of healing that is available to me.

He is a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist (CBT) who applied a heavy dose of Mindfulness to his work with me. Lots of the homework in between session was to listen to guided meditations (Mark William’s series of Mindfulness series of guided meditations). Some of the homework was CBT exercises aimed at correcting distorted thinking such as the “black and white perception” that you mentioned.

He also applied the therapy that was specifically developed to treat BPD, and that is Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT). Are you familiar with these therapies? There is plenty of information online on these therapies and on Mindfulness: Wikipedia is usually the source I go to for such information. There are books on CBT and DBT as well, where you can find exercises, strategies and coping mechanisms.

anita