Dear Rob:

I am sorry that you feel so lost and in pain. I hope that with more understanding of your situation and some time, you will feel much better.

You shared that you met your wife when you were 17 and 18, seventeen years ago (now 34 and 35). The two of you share many memories, “a house and 3 wonderful kids”. There’s been trouble in the marriage for some time, and four times this year she told you that the two of you are finished. This past Monday was the fourth time. She told you that the two of you “are finished because she’s tired of the way (you) make her feel”, and that the two of you will be living as roommates in separate bedrooms until separate living arrangements are made.

You shared that neither she nor you has had “a decent social life” outside the marriage, that you’ve always been “a terrible communicator”, that you’ve never “been great at holding conversations with her”, not having much to talk about aside from your daily lives and your children, that her mother passed away last year while you were going through a moderate depression and she experienced “the deepest depression she’s every experienced”, and you weren’t there for her.

“I know where I failed as a husband. I didn’t come through on my promises to change and make her feel a connection.. at first I wasn’t upset by this because I know I’m bad for her”-

– my questions for you, if I may:

1. “I failed as a husband”- did she fail as a wife?

2. “I didn’t come through on my promises to change and make her feel a connection”- did she ever mention that she needs to change, and what she needs to do to connect with you?

3. “I’ve always been a terrible communicator”- has she been an excellent communicator, do you think?

4. What was your moderate depression about this past year?

5. When she told you that she hates the way you make her feel, did she tell you what that feeling is, that you make her feel?

anita