Dear Michelle:

Again, I am sorry you received this “gift” on this day. It really is an assault, not a gift, and it strengthens my resolve to do-no-harm to others best I can.

Her delivery killed the few points that I agree with. I will present them without uppercase letter, bold print, accusatory you-you-and- you-s!, sarcasm, aggressive verbs, arguing, insulting, presenting myself as an authoritarian, all-knowing, future-predicting god; without inaccuracies, best I can, and I will not be throwing a temper tantrum (not on Christmas Day, and not on any other day).

The points I agree with:

(1)  I see some desperation in you, a desperation for this man that at times is too strong.

(2) I see this desperation fueling a tendency to at times, look for any and every possible evidence that is compatible with what you hope to be true; possibly interpreting his expressions and behaviors in ways that favor your hopes,

(3) If you want to be The One for him (the one he wants to be with for the rest of his life), then at one point and on, if he still tells you: you are not The One for me, then it is time to believe him and no longer doubt his words/ no longer analyze the mental/ emotional goings-on that behind his words.

Additionally: I personally do not believe in fate in the contexts of relationships, I view this belief as convenient-thinking, that is, a thinking that is comforting but is not true to reality.

* She wrote, “I cannot stress enough that he very likely sees you as a placeholder (someone he enjoy) as he travels along in life waiting for ‘The One’ or someone who knocks him off his feet”-

– I appreciate the “likely” in “very likely”- a rare exception to the all-knowing-almighty expressions elsewhere, and I disagree with this sentence: he is not a man who travels-along in life. I see him as being stuck in significant unresolved old conflicts and obsessive thinking). I don’t think that he is waiting for a woman to  knock him off his feet (as in being so wonderful as to resolve his conflicts, end his obsessiveness and make him want to spend the rest of his life with her)- I doubt that he was ever knocked off his feet by a woman, and given that he is 36, he may never be knocked off his feet.

I read your recent assertive and gracious reply to the other member. Post anytime, and again, Merry Christmas.

anita

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