Dear Oceandrive24:

Your ex was wrong to say that you needed to be stricter with your son, even more wrong to say that you needed “to be a lot stricter” with him. It’s probably a good thing that he is no longer in your life, seems to me that he was not kind or gentle, exacerbating your “under pressure and overwhelmed” state of mind.

But not all men are the same, maybe the man we are discussing is kind and gentle, and instead of adding pressure to your life, he will lessen it.

“I still fear..  that..  I wouldn’t be able to offer enough time to a relationship”- this man may be very different from the previous. Maybe he is not a demanding man, maybe he is more giving than taking. Some men feel good about themselves if they make their girlfriend’s life better/ easier. Maybe he is one of these men.

Talk to him, open up to him more: not all at once, and not in a desperate way (so to not overwhelm him), but in an honest, responsible way, a bit at a time, until you expressed it all. And listen to him, ask him questions, get a feel to what he is looking for.

You shared that one of your sons is 15, has autism, OCD, social anxiety and sensory difficulties, he doesn’t tolerate people from outside the family being in his house. You looked for support and help for your son from mental health services, but because your son refused to engage with professionals, he was discharged from services until he is able to engage. You therefore manage best you can, caring for him 24/7, and your life therefore is very restricted-

– I am not a professional but I suffered from OCD (diagnosed) as a child, and adult, most acutely as a teenager, as well as from sensory over-responsiveness (over-sensitivity to sounds, light, heat, humidity, clothes, sensations within the body, etc.). I experience great improvement on both fronts, and maybe I can offer you some of my insight and advice in regard to caring for your son, is you’d like.

anita