Dear Richard:

You shared that you recently finished a very long grueling doctorate program, wrapping up an internship this month, expecting to be unemployed next month, having “no clue” what to do  next. You feel “very scared… I wake up in the middle of the night with a sense of dread and hopelessness… Last night was another rough night. I seem to only be able to sleep for a couple hours at a time and when I wake up my heart is racing, and I begin ruminating”.

My thoughts and suggestions this morning: it seems to me that you’ve been scared for a long time, all through the very long doctorate program, including the time over a year ago, when you were offered a job at the office where you are currently doing your internship.

Ongoing fear = anxiety. The symptoms of your anxiety: feeling physically sick (a year ago), insomnia, heart racing, ruminating.

You wrote: “My partner is INCREDIBLE, but she lives half way around the world... I began re-reading a book called Embracing Uncertainty”- your partner cannot physically embrace you. As humans we are born to be physically embraced every once in a while so to calm our fears.  Mentally embracing anything- however useful- cannot substitute our need to be physically embraced.

When was the last time you were embraced/ held, I wonder (?)

“I have told my dad and my partner that I feel  embarrassed by how I am feeling”- if you peel off the shame that is attached to your anxiety, you will feel better. You study and work hard, you endured anxiety and distress for so long.. you are dedicated to your partner, I imagine- no valid reason for you to feel ashamed. You are human, and a human being cannot meet the great challenges of life being alone for too long. What do you think?

anita