Dear Jenny:

Not only have you been not argumentative/  not aggressive with your mother and with your ex-boyfriend, you’ve been a saint with the ex . But neither one of these extreme (aggressive— saint) behaviors is healthy within a relationship.

After your mother shouted at you for slouching, you telling her: “you can’t say that to me, I am trying but don’t say that” is not argumentative or aggressive, it is a simple assertion. You mentioned having said rude words to her (“my words rude to match that of mom’s”)- what rude words did you say to her?

Regarding the relationship with R, it was a miserable relationship, very, very Far from a Fairytale. Reads like perhaps R was sadistic.. enjoying causing you pain. And you were a saint. Do you think he is a sadistic person?

anita