Dear Bobz:

In the last six months of your two year friendship with this guy, “Every time we met.. we’d end up making out. And there has been no clarification whatsoever about this thing that’s going on between us“-

– clearly “this thing that’s going on” between the two of you is just what you wrote it is: making out. Making out covers a wide range of sexual behavior, typically prolonged kissing and other forms of foreplay, but usually not the direct act of penetrative sexual intercourse. You are wondering if there is anything in addition to sex that went on during the last six months.

“there’s this other girl.. he isn’t interested in her (that’s what he says)”- you doubt that what he said is true, you wonder if he lied to you and if he really is interested in her.

“I’ve brought up about her about two times. On the second time, he got really mad and he’s been avoiding me ever since. I did apologise and tried to call him a few times but he did not answer my calls or reply my texts. It’s been about a week and I have not heard from him. I’ve just come to realise.. the bond we shared is so deep”-

– the bond you shared with him was so deep  in your mind and heart. But was it deep in his mind and heart?

When you asked him a second time about the other girl, he got angry because he didn’t want you to ask about her. I assume that he figured that you asked about her because you want your make-out sessions to be exclusive to you an him.

The bond he shared with you was not deep enough or of the kind that would motivate him to make out only with you. Young women traditionally tend to get confused in regard to sexual activity: because it feels so special to the young woman, she assumes that it is special for the young man as well. Often, the woman’s focus is her heart, while the man’s focus is his penis.

“I really miss him. I’m not sure how to get him back? Or I should let this go? Some suggestions..?”-

– to get him back as a friend with benefits (a friend with whom you make-out not exclusively), you can offer him just that.. and hope that maybe he will want one day to be exclusive with you. I don’t recommend this at all: it’s humiliating and it is a bad idea for any woman to humiliate herself.

To get him back as the friend that he was before the six months make-out session is very unlikely because the habit of making-out has already been established. I’d say, as “broken and lost” as you feel, grieve this friendship, or whatever it was,  and in time, move on to a relationship where you and the guy are clear about “this thing that’s going on”, early on in the relationship.

anita