Dear Bob256,

It seems last year’s been a big journey of growth and self-awareness for you, and you’re seeing things much more clearly than before. It does seem like your mother and grandmother don’t have a good effect on you, since they probably have expectations from you and can’t accept you as an independent person with your own goals and dreams. Your father on the other hand seems to support you in going after your dreams and is willing to help you pay for the college. That’s excellent!

I agree with anita – if your mother and grandmother aren’t open to repairing the relationship, and are only willing to accept you on their own terms, it’s better to stay away. I understand it hurts to keep a distance, because you love them both, but if you cannot be yourself around them and they don’t respect your choices, you have to protect yourself. Because as you said, being around them affects your mental health.

Perhaps you need to grieve the loss of the close relationship from your early childhood, grieve all the pleasant moments you had with your mom and granny. And then let go, because now, this closeness isn’t possible any more, because they don’t accept you for who you are. You can still love them and have gentle feelings for them, but at the same time, keep your boundaries and don’t allow them to disrespect you. So you keep an open heart, but you’re also prepared to protect yourself from harm.

It’s good that you’re going away to college because that will make it easier for you to stay physically separated, and yet in touch with them from time to time, if you choose so.

Good luck and stay strong!