Dear Bobz:

“It’s like I cannot accept the situation… I’m not sure what exactly the situation is”- no one can accept a situation not knowing what the situation is.

Let’s try to figure out the situation: (1) your family knows his family, your mother is friends with his mother (“knowing each other’s family and his mum being friends with my mum”),

(2)”he is really close with my mum… He adores my mum. They are close… They get along very very well. And they love each other very very much as mother and son.”

“Whenever he visits me, the conversation will mostly be between my mum and him and I’ve got to wait for my turn to talk… He is still communicating with my mum. But not with me”.

I will develop the above quotes into what the situation may be based on the little information I have:

You wrote that your mother and this young man love each other very very much and you qualified their love “as mother and son” because you wanted to make it clear that their love is not a romantic/ physical love between  an older woman and a younger man.

Although it has happened in the world, I will assume that there is no sexual relationship of any kind between your mother and this young man.

It seems to me as a likely possibility that (a) either your mother is not married (you didn’t mention a father) and is not in any romantic/ sexual relationship with any man, or if she is married- she is bored with her marriage, (b) although your mother may not plan to have a romantic/ sexual relationship with this young man, and although she may not be fully aware of it- she has romantic feelings for him. When he visited you, she felt elated, interested, excited to see him and talk with him.

“They love each other very very much”- included in this sentence is: she loves him very very much. “He is really close with my mum”- I assume that she enjoys it that he feels really close to her.  “He adores my mum”- I assume that she feels adored by him, and that it feels very good to her. “They get along very very well”- she got along with him so well that when he visited, they ignored you: the two of them being in the center of their world and you were in the periphery, much like two people in love focused on each other and not paying attention to the periphery/ what  is outside of their intimate world.

You wrote: “he is really close with my mum and if he screws things up he would screw his relationship with my mum too”- not true so far: he did not return your calls and texts for over a week, but the two of them are still talking, still in a relationship of whatever kind it is. Seems like he is still in the center of your mother’s world while you are in the periphery, and therefore, when he screws things up with you, your mother is okay with it, and things are not screwed between the two of them.

“Then there’s this other girl who’s clearly in love with him but he isn’t interested in her.. And I’ve brought it up.. about two times. On the second time, he got really mad and he’s been avoiding me ever since”-

– I am assuming you know who that other girl is, you’ve seen her.. ?

– When the two of you were making out, was it in your home which you share with your mother, and did she know about the making out?

anita