@NBC I wanted to say I’m sorry if my take offended you or is incorrect. I’m going off the information I read.

I do recall you wrote he was intending to divorce when you met and yes there may be many variants of “married”  But in terms of my own morals or standards, I always believe if you haven’t legally separated you are still married and should honor that commitment, if not then leave asap, before getting involved with anyone new. The fact he went back again at some point indicates he was enjoying the best of both worlds but that fantasy can never last long. In the end people get hurt.

Just an extreme analogy to get the point across, if a man says I’m going to stab you. He’s warned you but you stand there instead of running away in time or defending yourself. Does that mean he is now not accountable? No, his action is still wrong. You just didn’t have the tools to cope with that situation in a better way to stop yourself getting hurt. You have had reflection now so in future can run when you see these red flags!!

You are a kind person, I know you care about him that’s why you seem to be defending his actions but to me he appears to be a mess. He stated so himself. You should always heed these warnings next time (that’s one major take away).

We have all stated the red flags were there. Why you chose to ignore them against your better judgement is the biggest issue. I really believe that you’re so fixated on finding out the why’s of his behaviour, when really you need to focus on yourself now. Heal yourself,  love yourself and build yourself in such a way you are not mistaken again!

The only way to prevent it happening again is working on your self esteem and worth.

If you had it then you’d not feel this need to seek answers, you would feel indifferent after the length of time it has been. You would have moved on, not necessarily to another relationship but just not been affected by him anymore. I really think seeing a counsellor or therapist may really benefit you.

You sway from feeling anger to feeling sympathy for him again. It’s just hurting you more going back and forth over why he didn’t choose you. There comes a point we must accept if he had been your person then you wouldn’t be where you are now, questioning everything. He clearly isn’t so why waste precious time?

Do you not value your time either?

I’m a little unsure how I can help you further, because I know analysing his behaviour is not healthy for you 5 years on, if it was a fresh break up it’s normal but so far down the road I think it’s deeper issues that need healing. I don’t want you to spiral further and further. I am going to be cruel to be kind and say I will no longer comment on him.

However if you want observations about yourself and how to strengthen your self worth I’ll happily offer feedback or my thoughts on anything else.

The term adventure clearly has negative connotations for you. I just meant don’t hold yourself back any longer by allowing him to control your thoughts.

You can take a risk again on somebody new. Love will always be a risk, and you can only risk it if you are willing to be vulnerable and go in search of it. An adventure doesn’t mean casual or not long lasting at least not to me.

You asked Danny, what he thinks about you and B, I think it’s not the same situation as his and B relationship at all, so to hold out the same hope for your B to do a Danny is hurting you.

Move on and leave him and his mess in the past where it belongs in my honest opinion x