Dear Peace:

Welcome back! “Is it only a bad time in his life or are these the pattern..? am I being very selfish to judge him??”-

– No, it is not a matter of him having a bad time in his life, it is a  matter or the patterns of his behavior/ a matter of his poor character: he is irresponsible and he takes advantage of other people. He complains to other people about his problems because he wants other people to take responsibility for his problems. For example, he complained to you about his financial problems because he wanted you to take responsibility for his financial problems, and you did: you left him money and sent him more later.

It is a dishonestly manipulative strategy that works for him when the other person (you, in this case) tends to feel guilty and responsible for other people’s problems.

“am I being very selfish to judge him??”- no, you are being selfish to correctly evaluate him as an irresponsible and dishonestly manipulative person, and prevent him from further taking advantage of you. It has been selfish of him to take advantage of you

I am sorry that you met another man who does not deserve your love and care.

anita