Dear Inquisitive Soul:

In December 2020, you wrote: “I never really been close with anyone. That’s a huge issue for me. I have no idea how to break this ice”, “I just can’t break the ice”.

Your current thread, three months later is on the same issue, the ice of loneliness: “fear of loneliness… I’m especially sad when there is nice, sunny, or warm weather outside- knowing people are hanging out, having a good time- it makes me feel somewhat stressed.. I feel like I’m missing out.. Inside, I feel lonely”.

This is how I figure the ice of loneliness/ of social isolation came to be: in your previous thread you mentioned, “issues were happening at home.. the hard and stressful period in my family”, and “times of quarreling and blaming each other”. In this thread, you wrote about your family: “basically everyone is miserable, unhappy, or struggling”-

– growing up in a distressing environment, where people socialize in ways that cause distress, no wonder you wanted to escape that kind of socialization in any way that was available to you, including escaping into video gaming: “I found some escape in video games but it wasn’t as extreme until I discovered online video gaming and indulged myself in this thing for years upon years”.

Fast forward, (1) you tend to feel distressed when in social situations, just as you felt in your original social situation aka your childhood home, (2) you still find comfort in being by yourself, just as you did then, and (3) you still feel lonely, just as you did then.

That ice is fear (“fear of rejection, so I’m afraid to connect on a deeper level”), anger perhaps at having been rejected,  and it is the habit of not connecting, the habit of being by yourself.

The solution, if I may suggest one: (1) express your fear and anger, (2) form a new habit, that of connecting with other people. Start small, then patiently and gradually build and expand your ability to connect and your comfort level connecting with other people.

anita