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Reply To: Feeling ashamed and being shamed of never having been in a relationship

HomeForumsRelationshipsFeeling ashamed and being shamed of never having been in a relationshipReply To: Feeling ashamed and being shamed of never having been in a relationship

#376350
Janet
Participant

Dear Anita,

“it is possible (?) that you don’t really want to be in a romantic relationship, that what you want is to not be embarrassed about not being in a relationship” – This is very true. I feel like with relationships comes drama. I don’t really know any functional marriages or relationships in general. All my friends have had some kind of troubles in relationships: cheating, controlling behaviour, too much compromise on one side only, etc. I have just lost faith in a healthy relationship before I even started. Men that do approach me are strange, usually much older and very vulgar. I’m afraid I’ll attract a psychopath or someone who will create trouble if I want to leave them. My friend had two boyfriends who threatened to hurt themselves and her if she tries to leave and I am absolutely terrified of something like that happening to me. Others were cheated on and manipulated. I am also so disappointed with guys criticizing women so much and the lack of privacy in relationships. People spill the beans so to speak on everything, especially their sex lives. They criticize their partner’s body, they discuss what they do in the bedroom, etc. I don’t want my partner to talk to other people about our intimate life and about my body. I don’t want my future boyfriend to tell all his friends that I’ve been a virgin for so long.  I am a kind (I focus a lot on self-development), private person, and I don’t know why I keep attracting men who either low-key sexually harass me or are not my type in general. I can’t picture myself with someone who doesn’t care about self-growth and is etitled and controlling. I’m know I’m not perfect and I am not expecting to get a perfect boyfriend, but I do want one that is respectful and interested in self-development.