Dear Felix:

“stayed up until 6 am…my aloneness. It has been with me since the beginning of time… this being single and alone is terrible. I am bored or lonely.. I crave physical and emotional connection to the point where it makes me psychologically and physically ill”-

– what the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (SPCA), in its website spcanl. com/ social isolation in dogs, states about dogs is true to humans as well: “Why social interaction is so important: our domesticated dogs evolved from wild ancestors that lived in family groups called packs. As we domesticated and bred dogs  to suit our needs, they learned to substitute humans and other family pets for their pack. Having ‘a pack’ is essential to a dog. It is not a natural instinct for a dog to live alone… The need to interact with people, other animals and their environment is a part of a dog’s biological and psychological makeup.

“Problems created by social isolation: social isolation causes intense boredom, anxiety and often leads to aggression… A dog that is tied onto a dog house nearly all the time and barks constantly (much to the annoyance of neighbors) is literally crying out for help”.

Wikipedia on Social Isolation, reads: “Research indicates that perceived social isolation (PSI).. may contribute to ‘poorer overall cognitive performance and poor executive functioning, faster cognitive decline, more negative and depressive cognition… ‘ PSI also contributes to accelerating the ageing process… Moreover, the social interactions of individuals who feel socially isolated are more negative and less subjectively satisfying. This contributes to a vicious cycle in which the person becomes more and more isolated…

“chronic social isolation in rats has been found to lead to depression, anxiety, and psychosis-like behaviors as well as signs of autonomic, neuroendocrine, and metabolic dysregulation… the isolation of a member of a social species has detrimental biological effects”.

Felix, you mentioned in your recent post that you have family and friends with whom you interact, but you feel lonely, and have felt lonely “from the beginning of time”, meaning that your past and existing social interactions have been very unsatisfying, and therefore you feel lonely. Perceived Social Isolation means Loneliness.

The Royal society publishing. org, on perceived social isolation: “deficits in social relationship- as indexed by perceived social isolation (i.e. loneliness)- (are linked to) adverse health and fitness consequences at each developmental stage of life. Outcome include depression, poor sleep quality, impaired executive function, accelerated cognitive decline, unfavourable cardiovascular function, impaired immunity… and earlier mortality…

“Perceived social isolation, colloquially known as loneliness, is a useful construct to examine the importance of social relationships for health and fitness. People are with (or around) other people much of the time, with only a few exceptions (e.g. inmates in solitary confinement..). Group living- in families and larger communities and societies- virtually guarantees the availability of social others and thus minimizes the likelihood of becoming isolated… Perceived social isolation represents a mismatch between an individual’s social needs and the provisions the social environment offers or is perceived to offer. The mismatch can be quantitative.., but is usually more qualitative in nature. That is… social relationships fail to engender the sense of connectedness and belonging that is critical for human thriving..

“One of the primary functions of social interactions in early life is to foster the learning of trust. Unresponsive and unpredictable parenting foster insecurity and distrust, qualities that can disrupt the foundation on which all subsequent relationships are built…

“Humans’ deeply social nature means that deficiencies in a sense of connectedness are- to put it colloquially- depressing… Lonely children are implicitly hypervigilant… taking longer to get to sleep and more sleep disturbances… ” (a very long article).

In conclusion: the title of your thread is “Where to find strength”? I am ready to answer this question: find strength in quality human interactions. Of course, it is easier said than done. But I will be glad to elaborate on my answer with you, through further communication with you.

anita