I get it. And I do. I am trying to shed the feeling of what society thinks our life should look like, but it’s not always easy when I walk by people who are coupled up. I went for a short hike with my parents and sister yesterday. We are so different that spending time with them often borders on cringe, but they are family and I love them unconditionally. It felt so nice spending time with them. I don’t need a large circle of friends. I have good friends and good family. Everyone I am surrounded by loves me and I love them, but I feel lonely. I am not talking about being bored with myself. I am not lonely because I have nothing to do. I am lonely simply because I want to share my life with a woman who is my friend, lover, and partner in life. I am not punishing or condemning myself about my past or the future when it comes to this subject. I am learning buddhism and other philosophies, and everyone is all about being in the present. I am learning to be in the present and to dedicate myself 100% to the present moment 100%. It feels amazing. The ego and everything else evaporates, whether I am doing dishes or studying or watching something. But I can’t escape the feeling of that lacking of intimacy, emotional, physical, and everything in between. I am again turning to Buddhism when it comes to this subject, but unlike many other areas of my life I have not been able to master this particular one. I crave (bad word, I know) intimacy and closeness like drug addicts and alcoholics crave their vices. We’ll see how it goes. I am not giving up by actually giving up and enjoying myself as it is. Life will pass us by whether we like it or not, might as well enjoy the ride.