Dear Notebookb6:

You are welcome. I’ve been thinking about Limerence further, having communicated with other members on the topic. What has become clear to me is that what drives your/ anyone’s Limerence is the occasional emotional high/ euphoric feeling when you think of him/ when you communicate with him. It feels as if this person (the Limerent Object, LO) is your heaven/ nirvana/ Home, not the home you had, but a different kind of home:  peaceful, loving, and worry-free.

Limerence causes a person to have crushes on people (“easily having crushes on people”), but then.. when the person you had a crush on becomes present and available to you, you start taking him for granted and the crush goes away. You then develop a crush on someone else.

The emotion behind each crush is that euphoric feeling of having found Home. Problem is.. sooner or later, you realize that he (or she) is not Home, and so.. the limerent object loses its glow and becomes boring. This is very likely to be the case in regard to your current LO: if the two of you live in the same country and he wants to spend the rest of his life with you, you would lose that euphoric feeling and look for that feeling in the next crush/ LO.

I think that your situation is more about a desire for a loving Home and an addiction to the euphoric feeling of finding such Home, than a matter of “low self-esteem/ lack of sense of self”. It is about that strong desire to have the peaceful, loving, worry-free home you never had, but longed for all along. It will take expressing and processing your experience in the home of your childhood and grieve what you lost there.

anita

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