Dear Jenny:

“How do I come out of this ‘desire’?”- first, you will need to truly appreciate this desire in regard to your mother,  as the intense, genuine, real early-life desire that it has been for so long (not a “desire”- the quotation marks indicating to me that you are not yet aware of how real and intense this desire has been in its origin, in the context of your early life relationship with your mother).

“when I hopefully detangle all of my childhood knots, will this desire and attachment related to R also go away or do I need to do something else for this?”- an intellectual detangling of childhood knots is only a beginning. The emotional detangling takes much more time and is a long,  ongoing process.

At  one point on, you will need to understand on a deep, emotional level, that your mother really was Rude and that at the time she was rude to you, you loved her whole heartedly, and in no way, did you deserve her rudeness. When your child self in this new way, and believe what you see, then you will lose the attraction to R, to other rude men.. and you will lose what must be habitual for you: to still try to get your mother to see you in a good light.

anita