Hi Danny, that’s fine mate, hope all is well! If I’m honest I haven’t posted for a week as I hit a bit of brick wall and have really struggled to stay positive of late, probably mild depression and a sense of finality, it will be 5 weeks nc Friday and it’s not getting any easier to be honest if not worse, I’m trying to not lose sight of the bigger picture and how I will be better off in the long run but at the moment it feels hard to believe.

I have been eating better and I’m still working as hard as I can as that is what is keeping me going at the moment, sleeps okay as well but now I’m experiencing dreams of her which is not pleasant also. The sunny day yesterday although it was nice to get some vitamin D, brought up the memory of last year when we started talking again and the high that gave me of her being in my life again. I’m just struggling to be myself around friends and enjoy any moments with them, last night I went to a meal to celebrate and good friends 6 year sobriety and I couldn’t wait to go home, I am finding being at home a comfort zone at the moment which is worrying me a little in trying to find a happy place.

I’ve pretty much accepted I’m not going to be able to shift these feelings at the moment and I’m gonna be in for a rough time, how long that will be I don’t know but I’m feeling a great of sense of grief at the moment.

Sorry for the negative response, I am trying to laugh it off when I can but it is very much fake it until you make it for me at the moment, I know from your perspective I haven’t lost a great deal because of the way I was treated but at this point in time I’m really suffering from the loss of the dream of it working out.

I’m not saying I’ve slipped into a constant state of this, I’ve reconnected with some old friends and my sister has been a real emotional sponge for me and have a strong bond at the moment but at the moment it’s a different mood each day.

I will of course battle on and keep focused on the goals I’ve set myself! Hopefully this sad state will fade and I can get back to being a better, happier version of myself.