Dear Marisa:

“do I trust my gut feeling, and go with the fact that I don’t feel that way towards him, and continue to pursue this new life I’ve established without him, or do I dig my feet in and make it work for my daughter’s sake?”-

– my answer: go with the fact that you don’t feel that way towards him and continue to pursue your new life without him. Do so for your sake and for your daughter’s sake. It is in your daughter’s interest to (1) have a mother who is as emotionally healthy and content as possible, not  one who digs her feet into a bad marriage, getting more disturbed and depressed in that process, (2) not live in the same household with a misogynist man. Misogyny is “the hatred of, contempt for, or prejudice against women or girls” (Wikipedia), and your daughter is after all, a girl.

More about misogyny, Wikipedia: “Misogyny is manifested in many different ways, from jokes to pornography to violence to the self-contempt women may be taught to feel toward their own bodies”- your husband’s misogynistic attitude will continue to be expressed at home, in his talk at the least, in one way or another: in subtle, covert ways, if not in harsh, overt ways, and your daughter will notice and be affected.

Wikipedia, continued: “Women, after hearing men demean the value and skills of  women repeatedly, eventually internalize their beliefs and apply misogynistic beliefs to themselves and other women”-  not a good thing for your daughter.. or for you.

Also, misogynist men reward “good women” who accept their alleged inferiority and promote their own oppression, and punish “bad women” who reject their alleged inferiority and oppression. You don’t want your daughter to try to be that kind of good girl/ woman so to please her father.

What do you think?

anita