Dear anita.

today was another calm workday. I realized that I really like my co-worker. She is so strong and confident, but at the same time really kind. We got along well. We talked a bit about everyday things and it was really fun. Sometimes I still worried about saying the wrong things and being awkward.

With my work tasks, sometimes I did really well. On several occasions today I felt like I could really help the clients and be kind to them. Then I was content with myself. But sometimes not. Especially today when the manager was around I made lots of mistakes and said some awkward things, I felt. Then the feelings of being a loser came back. But later I told myself that I should focus on the positive and progress, not on my fears. Now I am feeling better.

About sounding insecure: you are right, this reaction is not controlled. Better than blaming myself, would be to work on it. If I get more routine, I become more secure and sound more professional. And I have improved already!

After work, I met my friend. We know each other for a long time, since 2005, but we still are not that close. After I moved to her city of origin, we had more contact again. We only meet from time to time. It was o.K., but I worried that I said some depressing things. I should stop myself from that, but sometimes it’s hard. Maybe we should plan our meetings better next time. It was still good to see her and the place we went to was beautiful. Lots of flowers and blossoming trees. I was also thinking of you when I saw white blossoms today!

Plans for tomorrow:

– Clean the flat including my room

– Exercise / Go out for a bit

– Work for uni