anita,

to answer your questions:

1) what do you mean by your Fantasy Mother allowing space for you (Nov 2, 2019)

This is a good question. I wish I could remember what exactly lead me to say this at that time. Since I cannot remember, I will answer from my current headspace. My mother is always listening, watching, keeping tabs on everyone. It’s very suffocating. There is this feeling that you cannot get away with anything she wouldn’t approve of, so many things need to be kept a secret. So I imagine I was imagining the opposite of that when I made that statement about my fantasy mother.

2) “I imagine if I did have a fantasy mother around, I would feel as if I was living my life for her/ she would give my life meaning” (Nov 6, 2019)- can you elaborate on this sentence as much as you can?

I think at the time that I wrote this I was thinking about the people who say “I live to make my mother proud”. At the time I was feeling like I did not have clear meaning in my life and the idea of living to make someone proud appealed to me. I don’t know if I relate to this anymore.

It seems relevant to say that my “fantasy mother” has changed as my understanding of certain things in my life has changed.