Dear sossi:

You shared that at 44, you still feel a lot of emotional pain following a 7-year relationship with your last boyfriend, a man 10 years older than you, a fellow real-estate agent. Before you met him, you “suffered a year or two prior of being so lonely, depressed and with some bad experiences”. When you met him, you felt very attracted to him, feeling that you “needed him to survive”, and “everything around him was energizing”. He was at first your rock in a foreign country, speaking the language and knowing his way around.

He left you for the first time for another woman some time ago, and you shared about it here, under a different account, or an account that is now deleted (?): “I was completely distraught, suicidal and suffered immensely (which was when I had the help of tiny buddha, without which I would have probably killed myself..)”.

Since he left you for the last time, two years ago,  you tried online dating, but were afraid to be hurt again. You “don’t feel flirty.. don’t feel attracted to anyone.. just numb”. A new, younger work colleague who showed interest in you touched your shoulder, and you recoiled.

You met your ex 3 times in the last year for a short time on each occasion,  and felt “an electrical reaction and .. hurt all over again”. You’ve been upset for a while in regard to his current girlfriend, also a real-estate agent, who you believe stole your then boyfriend and real-estate business from you: “She has stolen more than my relationship and I hate her for it”. Today, you looked her up online and found out that she is closer to his age, has two grown sons, and in photos, the two of them look “very happy and well suited for each other”.

“I still am attracted to him? I still wish I was with him instead.. I don’t understand”- I am guessing that you still see in him the solution to your problems, still imagining that he can make a big, positive difference in your life, still hoping for him to be your rock.

You work several jobs, your back is in constant pain, you are tired, you recently sent your ex a few angry messages and blocked him, and you feel the following: “Someone is always enviously eyeing whatever I have an taking it away.. it’s a repeat pattern”-

– if you want to, can you tell me how that pattern started, the first experience you had in your early life, when someone was envious of you and took what you had away from you?

“It seems I can’t ever be enough for other people… I’ll never meet anyone who can accept me and like me as I am”-

again, only if you want to, can you tell me the first time in your early life that you felt not enough for other people, feeling that no one accepted and liked you?

anita