Dear sossi:

It’s clear to me that you are suffering and that you have been suffering for a long time. The first priority I see in your situation is to significantly lower your suffering, so that you do “find a light at the end of the tunnel. Find peace”.

I am trying to understand your emotional experience: how you feel much of the time. You wrote that when you took a low dosage of an anti-depressant, the medication “numbed the edges of acute pain and everything went very flat, no highs or lows”- meaning that before you took the medication, you felt acute pain, as well as highs and lows.

You mentioned feeling “hurt, pain.. suicidal and desperate”, and “intense rage”, as well as: “I feel fairly numb and flat even without taking meds”-

How often and for how long per day/ week do you feel acute pain, hurt and rage, highs and low?

How often and for how long per day/ week do you feel numb and flat?

* I will be back to the computer in about 10 hours.

anita