Dear Jess:

Names of mental disorders are given by scientists and medical doctors who place hundreds or thousands of symptoms into groups, this group of symptoms is named disorder X, and another group of symptoms is named disorder Y, etc. Every few years, they revisit the previous groupings of symptoms and make changes in the groupings and names.

Regarding most mental disorders, such as depression, people are not born with the disorder, they develop this symptom and then the other symptom, and over time (due to the “avalanche effect” you mentioned), people end up with particular collections of symptoms. Depending on the groupings decided by scientists, a person can be diagnosed with this or that disorder. Recurrent depression simply means depression that recurs, happening again and again.

You shared that at 12, an “empty and grey feeling… popped out of nowhere”, then the avalanche effect took place: the more mistakes you made and more failures that you experienced, “everything started to go downhill”. After some work, you feel better 60% of the time, but 40% of your time is experienced in those “emotionally draining slumps”, that is, your depression recurs.

I am guessing that the empty and grey feeling did not pop out of nowhere. I am guessing it popped out of having been “mocked/ made fun of a lot by some family members”. What do you think/ feel?

anita