Dear Dandan,

I have had this huge interest in going to a europian company with a job offer and to work there.

[learning German and learning about German culture] created some interest in working in a different country , mainly European country and precisely Germany.

I wanted to go out to get the international work experience. To work with people around the globe. Also to be independent in a different country. Living by choice and freedom.

The above seem like your genuine desires, something that your soul is calling you to do, not something that has been imposed on you by your parents or the society. Is that right?

But then, something stopped you from going after your desires. It’s your fear of being alone and stepping out of your comfort zone:

I didn’t have the guts to move away from my comforzone here.

But after getting the offer, I only can think about negatives. Like how lonely I will get there. I am a sensitive person. My friends also told I might get lonely there.

You changed your mind because of fear. This fear is quite common when we’re about to do something that requires us to step out of our comfort zone. We’re creatures of habit, we like the known, even if we don’t feel good in it. We fear the unknown and the possible challenges that our new circumstances might bring.

Which will prevail – the fear of the unknown or the excitement about the new opportunities – largely depends on the way we were raised. If your parents were fearful and didn’t really encourage you to try out new things, or if they expect from you to always be there at their side and take care of them, you’d naturally be more reluctant to leave, even for a limited time. Maybe you haven’t developed the sense of independence, required to live on your own in an unfamiliar country, and to cope on your own, emotionally, when your family is away?

If you’d like to share some more about the way you were brought up, it might explain better why you have such a hard time giving yourself a chance to experience something new in life.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by Tee.