Thanks Anita and teak for the response.

I grew up with my parents and two sisters in a small town. My parents are so loving and caring. All of us are so sensitive. We were below average in terms of finance. So we didn’t have much privilege as kids. But my father worked hard and had a bank job. He made sure we all got good education from a good school. But my parents get scared easily and are over protective. Wouldn’t let us do anything much mischievous or dangerous. I am so sensitive. I hate being alone most of the times. I get zoned out and get depressed for no reason, even among friends. I feel always low for no reason. I get all the energy from people around me, who are more positive and enthusiastic, self sufficient and bold. I get happy and enthusiastic when there is something interesting and enjoyable to do with the people around me. I derive energy and vibes from the people around me. With myself, I am mostly low and depressed, for no reason. My mom too is like me. She feels low most of the time. If she is surrounded by a dull environment, she feels low. And I am also like her. If i am with a dull company, I automatically feel low and depressed. It is like my default state, and with dull people, it again is the same. I get normal and sometimes enthusiastic when I am around people with positive attitude and strong attitude, in a good way. Like I love in that shadow of the vibes. So past years I was with my friends and roommates, and when I got the first offer, I started thinking all negative. This is my another natural thing. I mostly think negative of most of the things. Always feel that the other part is greener than what I have. If I don’t have offer, I think about offer and lifestyle and experience that I will get there , the happiness etc etc. Once i get the offer, it’s the other way. I think negative about that and positive about what I have now here. In recent years, this dilemma increased bug time, in each and every step that I take in life. Every small step. I over think a lot. I have like 100 thoughts with images and gifs running in my mind without control every minute. So over the time, everything gets weird.

I also want to confess something. I am the person who had created a thread inthe relationship category, about the dilemma in relationship and marriage. The guy who had crush on both the sisters. I read both of your replies to my topic and I really appreciate your efforts. Sorry I disabled my account and didn’t reply. I have been following her topic in the forum. She had shared the link with me when I broke up with her. I have been reading and I panicked after I created my topic cuz I didn’t want her to know or read that. Didn’t want to disturb her flow of healing. Couldn’t handle it. I am a weak Peron and now I am even weaker. I don’t know if what i am doing is right or wrong. It is always stressing me out. Sorry I couldn’t articulate what I am wanting to say properly cuz my thoughts are so fragmented, and I am so restless. As I said in the other thread, the same kind of dilemma applies to my life as well. I am thinking a lot about her. Imagining the happy moments and how happy we would be, like literally New scenes keep running in my mind. I don’t know what kind of a mental state this is. I am sorry if I am talking something off the topic for the forum category.