Dear Javier,

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It does sound like you are having suicidal ideations and need to ask for help though, even if you fear the outcome. If you fear being put on watch, just say you are having ideations without intent. You are feeling depressed. You need to reach out to a therapist or crisis. They can talk you through your feelings and you can decide together what to do about it.

I wish I could tell you everything is going to be okay. The truth is none of us know that. I don’t have any answers. I know my life has been full of twists and turns and mostly hardships. Yet somehow… I am happy. I am happy because I did good along the way. I am happy because I lived for the right reasons. I am happy happy that I got to experience life at all- just being alive itself is a gift not to waste.

There will be times throughout your life where you want to give up. I understand you’re there now. You’re doing the right thing by talking to us, but please contact a professional. There’s no shame in needing help. I urge you to do this because you’re losing control of yourself. You can do this. Our support is with you. Ask for help.

You can spend your life hating yourself or you can open yourself up to the good inside you. Love yourself through this. Love yourself through the mistakes and hard moments. Love yourself even when you are tempted to quit. Love yourself. It’s the bravest thing you can do and it is not a remedy that all will pursue. But it’s worth it. Love yourself.

Self-compassion exercises are on Kristin Neff’s website or you can look them up on Youtube.

This is my favorite meditation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZEdkZsaUQ8

Stay with us. Stay here. Don’t leave us. You matter. Your story matters. Ask for help. Tell someone. It’s time to reach out for help. Don’t give up on yourself. We won’t either.

You are loved. You are worth it. You are enough. You are good. You are meant to be here.  You have a purpose.

Instead of looking at all the bad in your life (i.e. we have a negativity bias that leads us to do that), start seeing the good. What do you have right now that is working for you? List it out.

And…what are you grateful for? What little things have made you smile lately?

Those are the things we live for. That’s what makes it all worth it.

Stay.

Stay.

Stay.

Ask for help. It’s time to ask for help. You can do this.